Skin Care, Self Care, NYC, and Everything in Between
This has always been a very hard subject for me to talk about, let alone write about. A special person in my life asked if I had ever written something like this for others to read, and honestly, I’ve never had. I keep a journal with me, but that’s for myself to read. That conversation sparked endless thoughts for me to write this blog post.
By the time you read this post, I have already moved to New York City. Yup. I did it. I have accomplished one of my biggest dreams. Actually, one of my biggest goals of this year. I moved in the beginning of this month. Aside from packing up my entire life and moving to the east coast, 2019 has been one of the hardest years I’ve been going through, and I’m still going through it.
I’ve dealt with depression for the longest time, it developed around high school, and while in college, my symptoms only got worse. And I’ve been at an all time low since the beginning of this year. 2019 so far has taken such a huge emotional toll on me, and I can’t help but blame it on myself. I know it’s such self-sabotaging language to use, but I do feel that way sometimes. I will definitely say this past December and beginning of this year has been extremely mentally difficult. There are days where I have felt so alone. Days where I could not manage to get out of bed. Days where I’ve had to force myself to eat something, anything, just to keep myself from getting sick. I’ve accidentally pushed people that love and care for me away, because I felt I could not put the burden of my pain onto them. Fear not, I am taking the necessary steps to prevent myself from getting worse and I am seeking help. From this, I am growing and learning and I do know that it will be okay. What if I fail? What if I fall flat on my face? But, what if I get up and fight again? What if I thrive and kick ass in NYC?
During the past few months of trying to figure myself out, on a whim, I made a bold choice to get my first tattoo last month. I don’t know what pushed me to get one on such a short notice, and knowing myself, I overthink everything. So, I would’ve thought about my very first tattoo over and over again before getting it. But I didn’t. At first, there was no inspiration behind it. I just wanted something nice and specifically from one of my favorite artists in Austin. She had walk-ins on a Saturday, and the day before that, I made the decision to drive up to Austin. I thought nothing more of it. After I got my tattoo, it meant something more to me. My first tattoo will always resemble being bold, being reckless, taking risks, actually living for once. I’ll definitely be getting more. It wasn’t until after I got it that I fell in love with it.
On the topic of taking risks, I don’t know if moving made it better or worse, I am still adjusting to this new lifestyle. I have no better way to describe it other than the fact that I’m terrified. This change is hard, to uproot my entire life and move to the east coast all by myself. And I did it. I did it all for myself. And I’m still doing it. There was only one thing tying me back to my hometown, so I do in fact wonder if this was the right choice. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but I know that I am not one to face it without a good fight. If there’s anything I know about myself, I know I am terrified about all of this, but I know to learn to dance with this fear. I’ve done some amazing things this year and I hate that I never give myself enough credit for it. I always feel like I’m never doing enough. For myself, or for others. Which of course, is a mindset I’m trying to break out of.
Throughout all of this, it’s weird, I find solace in skincare and beauty. It’s strange how this is the one thing that keeps me going. Because to me, this will always be my favorite form of self care. It’s something that I can never stop talking about. Something that I can fully immerse myself in without ever getting bored. Something I pursue with full ambition and a ridiculous amount of passion. It’s a subject, a hobby, a love that I can’t and won’t let go. Maybe it’s the constant pursuit of learning about it that keeps me going. The endless knowledge I can obtain about it. The skincare and beauty industry is always changing, always growing. There’s always something new for me to dive into and learn everyday. My love for it is what drove me to chase after my goals and dreams. Maybe this is my form of self care. And I love every minute of it.
These next few months will be extremely challenging and absolutely life changing. I do have to remind myself that growth isn’t linear. I have so much to live for. I am so proud of myself for taking this risk because I still don’t know if this is the right choice for me. But I can’t let myself sit here and constantly wonder what would happen if I moved to NYC, I had to go out there and do it. You only live once (how cliche, I know!), and once is enough if you do it right.
I don’t know if this is the right or wrong choice for me, but it’s a choice I was willing to take and that I took. I’m scared as hell, but I’m dancing my way through it with a heart full of love and my mind and eyes wide open to embrace this change. I fell in love with this city, my passion for skincare, beauty, marketing, social media, consumer products, all of it, is what brought me here. My ambition is what drove me to accomplish my goals and dreams to land on my feet in NYC. In the words of Jonathan Van Ness, beauty isn’t vanity, it’s self care. And this is the exact reason why I put my head and my heart into the things I love doing today. It’ll be a rocky road, but I’m not one to turn around and look back.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for following me on this journey. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for continuing to support me. I have many reviews and so many blog posts queued for various skincare and beauty topics! It’s all coming soon and I’m so excited to be blogging and sharing with you about the things I love. Thank you for waiting.
As a friendly reminder, you are loved and you are enough.